The myth of the lonely old man

The bitter, angry, grumpy lonely old man you see in movies and TV programs is just a myth.

Black Coffee
4 min readSep 20, 2021


I first heard about the lonely old man myth when I read the book “The Rational Male” by Rollo Tomassi, and it clarified everything I had been thinking for years.

Obviously, there are lonely old men, but not always in the way that the media likes to portrays them.

There are also a lot of angry men, grumpy, and bitter and unfortunately quite a lot of them seem to be married men who have lost control in their relationship and now find themselves at the mercy of their wives.

These are the men, who you see hiding in pubs and bars drinking themselves into an early grave because their wife has lost desire in them or the men being taken for a walk by their wife in shopping malls all over the world when they’d rather be doing something else.

This is shown in the media to be normal and even a badge of honour among some men, apparently this is a sign of maturity. Happy wife, happy life, right?


Men in these lifeless relationships continue to try to make the relationship work because they've been conditioned by the media to believe it's normal for women to have all the power and because they want to avoid being old and lonely.

When men get to a certain age and haven't married they get the usual questions from family members, which are when are you going to settle down? When are you going to grow up? When are you going to stop gallivanting? Behind their backs, they may even have male family members questioning if they're gay?

A man settling down is seen as a sign of maturity, but in truth, real maturity is being able to live on your own for at least some period. This is how men are independent and true self-reliant.

It's truly liberating for a man to live on his own and to be in full control of his life, so he can develop himself, find his purpose and discover what he likes and doesn't like, this way he can decide between wanting to be in a relationship or not.

The real test for a man is how he lives with himself, alone. Precious few men ever truly allow themselves to be alone…